Brandon Bradford's Blog

The Friendzone is a Myth

You are confused. Friendship isn't an infection that destroys attraction.  There isn't a magical window of time that once missed, friendship is the only option.   Friendship isn't an investment that entitles you to more.  Friendship isn't a currency that takes away someone's choice just because you are nice to them.

Don't undercut the value of your friendship by saying it only exists because you couldn't choose otherwise. 

Rejection sucks, and it's difficult when someone doesn't return the same feelings.  Grow through it, grow past it, but no one is obligated to be interested in return. Sitting in pain and refusing to grow is masochistic.

 The philosophy that sexual attraction disappears the more someone gets to know you is a farce, propagated by those without the confidence to ever deal with someone not liking them.

 

Relationships Suck

Hmmm. That's a silly way to think of it. 

Relationships are a tool.  You may suck at relationships, but they themselves don't suck.  

Your relationship had terrible communication and you hated that.  Guess what?  Everything, from work to sports, sucks with terrible communication.

Relationships are great mirrors for your strengths and weaknesses, that's why they are so difficult. Facing your flaws is going to be the difficult route in most situations. A little obsessive?  Don't you worry, it will express itself somehow.  Self-absorbed? In denial? Even if you don't realize it, the other person feels it.  These aren't universally bad traits, however, if you don't understand how they affect your relationships you will never be on the same page with how your partner feels(which is important).

Relationships can be whatever you make them.  

Don't blame a hammer because you only know how to hit yourself in the face with it.

 

No one cares that you are a nice guy

Seriously though.  Hurraaaaay you met the bare minimum. 

Sure, being nice is important. Being nice is underrated. Assholes are everywhere. But don't act like it's the only reason you should be ahead of the pack. 

Nice is never the first attribute listed when someone is looking for client, peer or partner. 

What do you bring to the table?  Who are you going to be in 10 years?  How does your brain tickle their brain?

If that sounds 'shallow' or 'selfish', you need to stop making excuses for rejection.  If you are so smart, funny, talented, or ambitious, what are you doing to demonstrate it, personally and professionally?

If all you can do is list faults that you don't have then you might as well drop out of the race. 

Girls don't fall for jerks because they have nothing to offer.  You don't get passed on promotions for people that are just nicer than you are.  It's always the perfect time to show up.

Saying you are a nice guy is like your cab driver expecting praise for not getting in an accident.  It's appreciated....but it's also expected.